This is funny enough to make even a Liberal smile.
The Old Philosopher (Wikipedia)
In September 1956, a single titled “The Old Philosopher” rose to the Billboard Top 40 chart, a rare distinction for a comedy record by a little-known performer. It turned out to be a one-hit wonder for Eddie Lawrence, and paved the way for his long comedy career. In a four-minute routine, a crotchety, ridiculous-sounding character recounts a litany of nonsensical calamities. Speaking in a comically downtrodden, empathetic voice, and accompanied by a flute or an accordion rendition of “Love’s Old Sweet Song,” or “Beautiful Dreamer”, he begins “Hey there, friend” — or “cousin” or “bunkie” or “Hi ya Folks”, or “pal” — “They say that your wife went out for a corn beef sandwich, and the corn beef sandwich came back and she didn’t”? “You say you lost your job today …”, followed by a litany of improbable disasters like “Your daughter’s goin’ out with a convict?” and “Your wife just confessed she spent your last 60 bucks for a deposit on an airplane hangar?” or “Your car’s engine breaks down, and an animal runs off with one of your shoes, while your car sinks in the mud, with your wife screaming”? Pause as the flute or the accordion, retires. Eddie asks plaintively, “Is that what’s troubling you, friend?”
Suddenly cymbals crash and a brassy rendition of “National Emblem” plays as Eddie declaims in full voice, “L-L-L-Lift your head up high and take a walk in the sun with that dignity and stick-to-it-iveness and you’ll show the world, you’ll show them where to get off, you’ll never give up, never give up, never give up” — [two drumbeats] — “that ship!” Those sentiments are followed by a recitation of another round of silly misfortunes and foolish optimism, then another rallying cry, and then still another round. After three times of this routine, Lawrence ended his number by saying: “And now, this is the Old Philosopher, saying: “So Long, Folks.”